I think I would have been a pretty great mum if I'd stopped at two kids.
In fact, I'm sure of it.
If I only had two kids, I would have a tidy house filled with a 100 pinterest-worthy vignettes. My two children would be polite, and never talk back.
They would know their times tables, and how to make a cup of tea for guests.
If I only had two kids, they would be toilet trained by 2 and always be wearing appropriate clothing.
My car would be a restful, clean haven for any unexpected adult passengers.
Did I mention how tidy my house would be??
But here's the bottom-line truth, it would have only been an appearance.
I would have had an ugly, proud and judgmental heart. My confidence would have been solely stacked on my own wisdom and ability (which is dodgy at best) and I would have controlled my children's behaviour, instead of surrendering their tender hearts to the One who knows them and loves them best. And oh, the smugness I would have fostered!
But having (almost) 6 kids has saved me from being a great-on-the-outside mum and forced me - kicking and screaming - to be a real, warts-n-all, dirt-under-my-fingernails healthy-on-the-inside mum. It has forced me to see how pathetic my own wisdom and ability is, and how much I need a great God to sustain and extend grace to me. Every.single.day.
It's raw down here and out of (my) control. It's nitty and it's gritty. Smugness doesn't even get a first thought anymore, let alone a second.
I'm a work in progress and the external image is slowly being surrendered for an internal (eternal) salvation. And I'd take that any day over kids who know how to make a cuppa....although the tidy house with lovely vignettes is still pretty tempting ;)