last night JR made me a delicious coffee. one problem - it was a double shot. as a result, me (and the baby, cos i fed him when he stirred around 10pm) were wide awake til midnight.
Ty was heavy on my heart so i got up (with the baby!) and wrote some thoughts down...
Meet Ty (thanks to his almost-2-year-old sister when he was born, he is now known as Ty Boy by almost everyone)
Ty is my son who is an absolute mystery. he doesn't fit any labels. he is constantly behaving completely opposite to the moment before. to be honest, i don't often "get him".
and this is what has been so heavy on my heart...the power i hold...to choose to accept him as he is even though i don't entirely understand him.
and it's terrifyingly clear to me how it'll all pan out if i continue to interact with him with frustration and exasperation.
his dad already knows and lives this. he totally accepts Ty as he is and Ty is so confident and secure in his presence.
a fear that people (his peers and adults alike) won't like him.
specifically, that everyone will eternally be annoyed by his quirky personality and not want to be friends with him.
as a mother, i have so much power to do good in his life (and, equally, to do bad!)
to accept him as he is
to love him entirely and without condition
to support him as he learns wisdom
to allow him the freedom to mature at his own pace
to be his soft place to fall.
and though it's often the last thing i *feel* like giving, i know Ty needs (and responds) to kindness and graciousness. getting in his face is totally counter-productive.
i love you so much, my heart breaks for you. you often have to learn the hard way.
forgive me for not always being your soft place to fall and for my impatience at your immaturity. i am excited to see you grow and mature into a man.
i promise i will continue to train you, but i have given your heart over to God. only he is able to change your heart's desires and motivations.
and above all - know this with certainty, that even if there is no one else, your family will always accept and love you without condition.
team rolston would be mega-dull without you.
i love you my Ty.
(pics from date night with dad on tuesday night)