Friday, June 18, 2010

My Ty

last night JR made me a delicious coffee. one problem - it was a double shot. as a result, me (and the baby, cos i fed him when he stirred around 10pm) were wide awake til midnight.
Ty was heavy on my heart so i got up (with the baby!) and wrote some thoughts down...
*
Meet Ty (thanks to his almost-2-year-old sister when he was born, he is now known as Ty Boy by almost everyone)
Ty is my son who is an absolute mystery. he doesn't fit any labels. he is constantly behaving completely opposite to the moment before. to be honest, i don't often "get him".

and this is what has been so heavy on my heart...the power i hold...to choose to accept him as he is even though i don't entirely understand him.
or not.
and it's terrifyingly clear to me how it'll all pan out if i continue to interact with him with frustration and exasperation.

his dad already knows and lives this. he totally accepts Ty as he is and Ty is so confident and secure in his presence.
during my caffiene-induced reflection, it suddenly dawned on me what it was that makes me so desperate to change him...
a fear that people (his peers and adults alike) won't like him.
specifically, that everyone will eternally be annoyed by his quirky personality and not want to be friends with him.

as a mother, i have so much power to do good in his life (and, equally, to do bad!)
to accept him as he is
to love him entirely and without condition
to support him as he learns wisdom
to allow him the freedom to mature at his own pace
to be his soft place to fall.



and though it's often the last thing i *feel* like giving, i know Ty needs (and responds) to kindness and graciousness. getting in his face is totally counter-productive.

My dear son,
i love you so much, my heart breaks for you. you often have to learn the hard way.
forgive me for not always being your soft place to fall and for my impatience at your immaturity. i am excited to see you grow and mature into a man.
i promise i will continue to train you, but i have given your heart over to God. only he is able to change your heart's desires and motivations.
and above all - know this with certainty, that even if there is no one else, your family will always accept and love you without condition.
team rolston would be mega-dull without you.
i love you my Ty.

(pics from date night with dad on tuesday night)

12 comments:

  1. What a cool mum - so heartfelt. You guys are doing an awesome and inspiring job with your kids. Let's hear a big hip hip hooorah for TY BOY!!!! He is awesome. xxx

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  2. You Mrs R are a fabulous Mum. And that Ty boy of yours is just a honey, I have a soft spot for him. I hear your sentiments and they resonate with some of the struggles I go through in my head/heart. Good on you for even thinking about the heart and soul of your child. I admire your love for your children. Yay for reflective parenting! xx

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  3. hey chick
    your Ty is a cool wee dude...sometimes 4 year old boys are a mystery - full stop. and sometimes its just them...my heart resonates with you as I so understand, I have learnt this: with or without a Mama's stress and worry they will be what and who they are - giving them entirely to God is the best thing we can do .... you are an awesome Mama - I am so lucky to know you. x

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  4. It is great to have peace, knowing he is exactly how God made him and meant him to be. He is a blessed boy to have you both as parents and we think he is great too! Cx

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  5. Hello! I have just clicked Follow (found you at Widge's)
    It was like you had just told the story of my own son and I.

    (widge will validate this!!)
    I am so encouraged by this post. The part where you said you are constantly worried about his peers, and adults alike not liking him.... I so totally relate.
    And At the end of the day, I have to do what you do, and give it all to God, who knows 'tomorrow' when I am too scared to look....
    Am reading with excitement...

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  6. Oh I have only just read this one! must of missed it. But yeah I can totally relate too. My second born. so the same. and that same line Megs quoted is what I struggle with too.
    I was recently encouraged by an older woman from our church. She attended a funeral recently of an elderly woman who's son got up to speak. He had been a "rat bag" (his words) as a child. He told everyone how he had been so naughty but his mother had always seen past this. she was the one who believed in him and told him that despite his behaviour she could see "a good lad inside of him" he clung to those words she spoke over him and he did indeed grow up into a wonderful man.
    This gave me such an enormous amount of encouragement. I have always felt that my special guy has something extra going for him but when the behaviour becomes so erratic and sometimes plain scary it's easy to feel doomed. It's so hard. I've started saying this to him over the last few weeks, telling him what an awesome guy he's going to grow up into. It's stopped him in his tracks a few times and other times he outright argues with me. But I'm going to keep on plugging it. Can't do any harm that's for sure!!

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  7. ....you made my heart ache for him too....What a special little boy and with an amazing family. xx

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  8. ....you made my heart ache for him too....What a special little boy and with an amazing family. xx

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  9. Oh my goodness, you have just summed up how I often feel about my son. I had a similar experience about accepting him for who he is so he can be comfortable in his own skin, at least within the family. I think as women we are so aware of the need to "fit in", but having seen hundreds of kids in action, if a child is content with what they see in the mirror every day, they are accepted.

    What a lovely realisation you had, I was almost in tears because for that moment I completely understood where you were coming from : ).

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  10. That last comment was from Kat over at Shush I'm reading by the way. Still finding my way around.

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  11. Just read this one from your link from today's post. I so get this. So much. I could write the same letter to my first son. Thank you for the bit of light you've shed here.

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  12. I just came back and read this, too. I'm bawling. This really, really strikes a cord with me. It is exactly how I feel about Aesop, and what I struggle with. You are a truly wonderful Mama, Dee. I strive to be more and more like you. Thank you for being so open and honest about things like this, it is so helpful and inspiring. Love you x

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it means so much that you've taken the time to comment~ x