Monday, April 16, 2012

{let's be honest}...about no.5

i've had 5 kids for 8 weeks now and i'm going to be honest with you...
  • although, after having Danny, we really felt there was one more in our family the reality of having 5 initially made me cry. but it feels so right to have him here, and to be 7.
  • i spent wasted a lot of time during my pregnancy freaking out about how little everyone helped out and how much more i'd have to do with a newborn and how on earth would i find time to sit down multiple times a day and feed the poor child and if i were to find the time, how could i possibly maintain a decent milk supply when i am this busy already? etc,etc.../hyperventilate. and now, my most favourite thing is this little guy's hungry tummy forcing me to sit still for periods throughout the day. it is blissful.(and judging by the chins, milk supply isn't really an issue either...ha!)

  • i was convinced that because i'd had 2 delightful, super-cruisy babies in a row surely my luck had run out and no.5 was bound to be a colicky, hard-to-settle, total troll babe. he isn't. at all. it took me 6 weeks to stop holding my breath and realise that he is in fact a dream baby. he sleeps so SO awesomely (but i kinda don't want to skite too much about that just in case...)
  • in fact, he slept so much for the first few weeks (rarely opened his eyes and then when he did he wouldn't make eye contact for aaages) that i thought he knew i had cried when i found out i was pregnant and was totally in a snot with me!
  • he took so much longer to come into himself and respond than Monte (no3) and Danny (no4) did. but i found it correlated with me coming back into MYself. i felt extremely open and vulnerable after the birth this time around. i have been extra aware of over-doing it and being really intentional about being gentle on myself emotionally and physically.
  • he pukes. a lot. like, allthetime. it doesn't bother him at all, but i'm kinda ticked about the wasted milk. dude...! (see that white bit on his tongue up there? exhibit A)

  • and yes, it would have been totally lovely to have a little girl for our no.5 but God knew who our family needed and this guy is pretty darn sweet. (and besides i'm still convinced a little girl would have been totally spoilt). i sometimes mourn the absence of a sister for Jada but it reminds me to pray for amazing girlfriend-sisters for her life.
  • most days it blows my mind that i am living this - that these are my pictures and not some one else's. that i get to be here again, for the 5th time. our baby-having days are over and i'm so grateful for this period in our lives. i want to savour this one last time but not be dreading the end of this season so much that i choke it with nostalgia or sadness. i want this 5th child to have the freedom to grow and mature into an amazing man - and not be burdened by his birth order or his mother's need to have a "baby". 
ok, who am i kidding, he'll always be my baby...but you know what i mean, right? i just really don't want to make a big deal of it that's all :) 

24 comments:

  1. Beautiful post Dee. I think enforced resting while we feed is part of God's design - when else can he get us to be and live in the moment? (provided of course we don't spend the time worrying about future events!!) I love the way you choose to share your life Dee. Thank you x

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  2. Honestly raw Dee, and all completely understandable emotions I am sure.

    You are so capable already!! Just remember that when you become *more* capable (when he's feeding less) you still need to take that time to breathe! :)

    I have a puker too (although she does seem to be getting better...) but I always have a large flanelette bassinet sheet with me for spills - that or a reusable cloth nappy! So handy!

    You are doing so well, strong woman! God bless! x

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  3. How precious that you have 5 children. Your newest little guy is adorable! :)

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  4. Lovely Post. Be so so proud to be a mama of five. Such a little treasure he is, love the photos. Cluck cluck cluck

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  5. I'm not sure if it's my pregnancy hormones or the absolute cuteness/deliciousness of your bubba, but I am in tears over this post.

    Could also be my slight freak out at how I am going to cope with a new born and two rowdy/non-listening kids (but still ages to go so must chill)

    Looks like you are doing wonderfully.
    x

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  6. What a gorgeous smile!! Even after he's puked up all your milk!
    Maybe you will have 4 awesome daughters-in-law one day, but in the meantime I think you have a lovely family of 7.

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  7. Beautiful words Dee. It's silly how we "freak out" about how we are going to cope when another baby comes into our family and yet when they do all the worry is somehow lifted and we just get on with the delightful job at hand. How could you not when you look into the sweetest face many times a day while breastfeeding!
    love to you and yours x

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  8. Dee!! Thanks SO much for visiting me, far out- look at all you have going on over here!How do you fit it all in?

    xo em

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  9. Two things:

    1/. YOU are amazing. I know you claim to be "ordinary old mum" but there you are, managing it and giving yourself the space to sew ect. Coping a heck of a lot better than some Mums out there with just one child. I feel completely silly and unfounded in my worries of coping with 3 let alone yourself with 5. Thank you for being so honest.

    2/. he is gorgeous. I seriously can't wait to squidge those cheeks in a couple of weeks time (I mean it... I'm going to pry him out of your arms for a good cuddle!).
    xx

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    1. the truth is, it's not so much the amount of kids you have but the age that makes it easier/harder. i think having my 3 preschoolers was more work than now. Jada and Ty are that much more independent and able to fetch/dress/rock...etc. and the adjustment from no kids to one kid is always a massive shift. when you've been doing the cooking/cleaning/feeding/wiping for a few years the addition of kids isn't so life-changing. make sense?
      X

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  10. Oh this post did tug at my hearts strings a little, well a lot! I am still in that phase of not feeling like our family is complete but for some reason am so nervous about our upcoming cycle (ivf) for reasons I can't articulate. You write so beautifully and express the sentiments of many women.
    Kaizer was a pukey babe but we saw a massive change after he started wearing his amber beads.
    Sawyer is just so darn cute!!
    x

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  11. As I am just about to have my 5th I enjoyed this post and related to it! I was in shock when I found out about 5, as was my husband, but now I love that little thing in there SO MUCH! And although apprehensive about how to cope with 5, I am looking forward to baby's arrival..

    My Mum had the 6 of us in 6 years.. and I would love to ask her how she did THAT! I think of that when things are feeling chaotic around here. I remember her saying that she loved sitting down and doing NOTHING else but feeding us. (I'm a twin)Those were her favourite times of the day. I know I'm going to love that too. (Loved it with the others!)

    And we've even talked about number 6 around here too - so we'll have to see how 5 goes. Thanks for the empowering post!

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  12. Oh Dee, you are such an inspiration to all Mumas. Awareness is indeed a wonderful thing - recognising the need to be gentle on yourself. And that stillness and quiet of feeding - isn't is blissful?! I too relish those moments in my day x

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  13. Beautiful post Dee you brought many an emotional tear to my eye

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  14. oh love your honesty!!!
    and your boy is such a cutey with those chins and sweet smiles!
    totally get the baby thing..totally.

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  15. Ohmygoodness, those photos. That baby.
    This is the most gorgeous and raw post.
    You are incredible.
    And what a gift to have this record of your journey.
    Of your reality at this time.
    Thank you. x

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  16. He is just so yummy!! And thank YOU for this post! I cried too over no. 5 and feel guilty over crying because I really am so thankful and can't wait to hold this one in my arms but oh my goodness, it's going to be a wild ride :) I needed to read this today.
    You are awesome!!

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  17. Your grace and faith in your situation is so beautiful, its hard for some people to be that authentic. Thank you for sharing that.

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  18. What an absolute sweet heart he is. The eyes, the smile and oh those chins. Well done mama! Jxx

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  19. Lovely post. Understand the girl thing. M will miss out on a sister too. She loves Jada. Cx

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  20. i enjoyed every word of this...lovely post.

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  21. This is so great, you make me laugh:-) and Oh your writing and your heart!! - what a love you are xx

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