..........
{everybody is somebody because he is a child of God.
-Martin Luther King Jr. }
..........
I doubt he ever realised it, but my brother taught me a lot. Since his death I have been thinking a lot about how we determine the value of a person's life - particularly a person with a disability.
My brother, Ross, was born with a majorly deformed heart that went undetected by 2 separate doctors and for 3 long days. It was only at my mother's insistence a 3rd doctor finally diagnosed Ross as not only having Tetralogy of Fallot, but also missing his entire right ventricle which (should have) carried blood to his lungs. He lived for almost 30 years, against many odds.
Yes, Ross was different. But his life taught me that different is not worse. Different is not scary. And, most emphatically, different is not worthless.
Modern prenatal testing for disabilities, and the encouraged option of abortion, makes me extremely uncomfortable. I wonder about all the Ross-babies - unknown, unloved, unlived - and all the Ross-families - their unlearned lessons, their unexpressed love, their unknown marvel of Strength displayed in weakness, their unrealised awareness that every person has value and is deserving of life and love.
Readers, can I encourage you to be sincere and honest in your encounters with disabled people, especially when you are with your children? Children are naturally curious - but often afraid - so please don't avoid questions they may have or hurry them past with averted eyes. Please do not to feed their fear that different = scary or worthless.
Can I encourage you to take some time to get to know the disabled children in your life? They have interests, likes and dislikes, favourite foods and clothes just like your child does. And I can assure you without reservation that their mother loves them just as truly and as fiercely as you love your own child. It would do her mama heart so much good to see someone take an interest in her child and make them feel valuable.
Ross was very limited in what he could do physically, but I've become convinced that the value of a person's life isn't measured only by what they are able to do for us, but also by what they are able to teach us.
And my brother taught me a lot of truths about faith, love, acceptance and contentment.
I am genuinely grateful for having had the privilege of being his sister.
x
Dee, this is simply beautiful; you have reduced me to tears and given me so much to think about. I am truly sorry for your loss, and will hold you all in my thoughts xxx
ReplyDeleteDee thank you so much for sharing your lovely brother with us....I am one of those mums...a mum with a disabled child who will fight till the end of my days to show the world his worth.
ReplyDeletemuch love
Allison x
Beautiful words. Your brother would have been proud. I am sorry for your loss, your families loss. I appreciate your heartfelt words and tribute. I hope you write more about your dear brother and I am sure your children are so much better off in this world having the uncle they did, seeing love an pd strength. I am sure the world is a better place . To all those mumma's who love and are so strong the world is a better place. Keep strong and thank you.
ReplyDeleteThis is a subject very close to my heart Dee, and your words truly resonate with me. Thank you x
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post and so true, Dee. Hug. Cx
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written. xxx
ReplyDeleteA hearty yes to embracing everyone in their uniqueness, we are all equal in His sight hey - thank you for your lovely words that speak volumes. I have no doubt your brother is running, skipping and dancing with the angels now xx
ReplyDeletethis is a great post, and as a woman walking this life on crutches and sometimes in a wheelchair, I can assure you, difference doesn't have a to be scary art all. you're abolutely right on that. life can be extremely wonderful, no matter how you've started it.and when thinking about diagnostic opportunities, I am convinced, your parents would have made no other decision. xx
ReplyDeleteCouldn't say this any better and agree whole heartily as one of those mums. x
ReplyDeleteyou write beautifully. ross was lucky to have you, and you were lucky to have him. this is a gorgeous post, thank you.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written. Hugs xox
ReplyDeleteDee what a beautiful tribute to your brother. Having family members with physical and/or mental disabilities I know exactly what you mean. I am blessed beyond measure to know the exceptional people that they are and to have learnt acceptance of differences from such a young age. They are each loved and valued members of our whanau and we would not be the same without them.
ReplyDeletexx
Dee once again you write with passion and sincerity and you shed light and open a door to others. I love this post xxx
ReplyDeleteSomething close to my heart too, my Dad is disabled and for my children it has been something they embrace without question.I hope for them it will extend throughout their lives.
ReplyDeleteBless you and your beautiful family at this time and what a blessing to have had your brother in your life for all those years.
Thank you for sharing Ross' and your wonderfully touching story. You know how there are things that brighten your day? Well, I know today your beautiful post will be a lovely light that shines for me.
ReplyDeleteHaving gone through bouts that required me to live in a wheelchair, I know firsthand the averted looks someone "different" receives. And also the occasional uncomfortable stares. It has taught me invaluable lessons similar to the ones that Ross taught and blessed you with.
Thank you again. I will hold you and your family in the light as you go through this difficult time. I'm so glad that you had Ross in your life. I know Ross' memory will live on.
Warmly,
Cheryl
You are such a beautiful soul and I can only imagine the same of Ross. I am reduced to tears by this post, speechless.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful tribute! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteDifferent is simply that, different. My children are both different, but not loved less as a result of that, frustrating at times but even then well loved. I know you'll miss your brother as much as I would miss either of my boys should they be taken from me. Thinking of you
ReplyDeleteHow amazing that he lived til 30 and what a gift! Thankyou for this post, it is truly beautiful and a real reminder for me to reach out and be real with those who are different to me.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss :(
ReplyDeleteSo very true, Dee. I'm sorry for your loss - what an amazing man to defy the odds & live such a fantastic life!
ReplyDeleteChildren don't have the preconceptions about people with disabilities that many adults do, they don't see disabilities as bad, only different and interesting. I loved doing music sessions with a young woman with an intellectual disability when Jarvis was only little - he would climb onto the piano stool and sit next to her, and the two of them would laugh and sing and bash away together. It was beautiful.
Thank you for the lovely post. What a nice way to begin the week. x
Im sorry for your loss
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss Dee <3 My son is 2 and he is a heart baby with disabilities and your words about your brother echo how I feel about him. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and my boy has the most beautiful smiling eyes as I'm sure that Ross did too. Thankyou for raising money for @heart kids, we have found @heart to be a great source of help and support through out our journey so far.
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